I'm normal.....well, relatively

It's amazing how something you didn't think was bothering you can really permeate your life. Then when the stressor is relieved, you can see how great it's effect really was. It's like a great weight lifted from your shoulders. You lift your head a bit higher, you step a bit lighter, laugh a bit easier. The world seems beautiful.

Yesterday I got the news. Although the test was something I wouldn't wish on anyone.....not that it was painful, but it was the most uncomfortable sensation I have ever had. After my surgery two years ago though, it was nothing. NOTHING could compare to that. The surgery that was the solution to one problem, and the omen of greater potential problems. For two years I have felt like I was broken. The physical scars healed slowly, but the mental ones, though hidden - wouldn't fade. Having a family wasn't a priority to me. I wasn't even sure that I wanted children. I discovered yesterday that that wasn't the point. The wait was over, the test showed a black and grey picture that looked almost like one in any anatomy book. A small mishapen bump on one side of the uterus was all that showed the trauma that my body had gone through. The doctor smiled, watching as the activated x-ray dye illuminated the cavity and flowed out through the falloipan tubes, showing a clear path. "Everything looks good." He said. Just like that. And the weight was lifted.

I'm not going to run right out and get pregnant. I still don't know if I even want children, at this stage or at all. The fact is, I'm whole. I'm normal. (Jello says I'll never be truly normal....let's face facts :) ) But, even on a rainy day like today, the sun was shining in my mind. I laughed, really laughed, and it felt great. And now I realize that the dark cloud hanging over my head I had come to ignore was finally gone.